So I've just spent the past few days getting all my online stores in order. Now in just waiting for approval and then some new sales.

I'm tired and stressed and all I want is for things to work out.

Here goes nothing.

This past year

This past year has had its up's and downs. I've lost two people I care about for my own stupidity and selfishness. I have started a new venture that my whole life has been building towards. I've alienated friends and made new ones. I've fallen in love and had my heart broken, once in the same moment.

It has been a mixed year.

Looking towards next year I know I have hardship coming but I am ready. I know what I want and I will fight  for it. I know who I am and I will fight to be it.

I have a lot to achieve in the next 12 months but I am capable, I am determined and I am ready.

Bring it on!

You Don't Sing Me Love Songs

This is a piece I did a while ago. It was in fact the first step along my road to be an artist.

Basically I used to work in a gallery and I used to see some outstanding pieces on a daily basis. Unused to look at them and think, with my degree and college and all that I had the skills to do what these people were doing.I used to look at some beautiful works of art and say "if I didn't have a full time job I could do that. If only I had the time to put in that effort."

Anyway, I took time off work and I thought, yes, I'll do it. This is what happened. I realised I wasn't all talk.

So I decided to go for it. All the work, the time, the effort. All the blood sweat and tears that has been poured into my work. I have decided to make this work for me.

Bad Kitty

This is "Bad Kitty". I loved painting this one. Beki is an awesome model. She has the most expressive face.

I've spent ages working on pieces that were melancholy and I just wanted to do something fun.

And there's nothing wrong with something a bit cheeky and a bit kinky either.

Right Here Waiting

"if you chose to walk away, I'll still be right here waiting."

Stained. Right here waiting.

I love that song, it's one of those ones I always go back to.

Then someone said those words to me and they stuck. This is that moment, when you find yourself wondering what that other person is doing. Are they sitting and waiting for you, as lost in those rose tinted pictures of the past as you are. Or have they moved on? Have they forgotten you?

Are you lost and alone while you sit right there... Waiting.

Video blog.

So. I've been looking into expanding my sales program (check me out sounding all businesey) and I've been looking at galleries both on line and high street. Well a few of them want artists to do video profiles and blogs, so clients can hear an artist speak about their work and their life.

Well, I'm tempted but truthfully, I'd have no idea what to say or how to do it. I was thinking of doing some of the posts I've done on here, with some visuals and some of my own music (a bit self indulgent but screw it, it's fun) I was thinking the odd life I lead and the water post. I'll figure things out. But if anyone has any suggestions I'll listen.

No, I'm not doing them nude.

Last night

I couldn't sleep last night. It sucked. Illness made me feel like crap, which made me want a hug, which reminded me how alone I was. Blah blah blah. I txt a friend of mine just to reach out. I was so close to txting someone I shouldn't which would have just opened a can of worms.

Anyway, I came to my senses and I've realized I'm not alone. I do have people around me. I'm just a whiney little bitch when I'm ill.

I mean look at my life. I'm an artist, I get paid to paint. I have a great family, great friends. My health is normally good but my nose is leaking right now. I'm in training for something called a zombie assault course which just sounds awesome. I'm a decently talented musician and in the right light I'm not bad looking.

So next time I start whining someone just slap me. Ok?

I hate being ill

I hate being ill. It's at that stage right at the beginning, that weakness in my chest, that tickle in my throat. I just want to curl up in bed. I wouldn't say no to someone curling up with me.

Not just anyone though. That right someone. I don't know who she is though which sucks. I'm at a point where I have no one. In the past there was always someone, either that I was with, that I was chasing or that was chasing me. It's a strange feeling.

I suppose it's good timing because there is no way I could be in a relationship of any kind right now. Not while I'm trying to figure out my life and career. Still, it's been too long since someone has just held me.

It's no wonder my paintings have taken a melancholy turn.

I hate being ill when I'm alone.

The odd life I live.

Life is odd at the moment.

I live in a litte studio at the bottom of the garden like a Poddington pea. I honestly love it though, every day I spend painting and this is where it gets odd.

When I paint I fall in love.

it was a strange realisation an artist friend once said something to me... "at some point in every painting you hate what you are doing" and it got me thinking, you start out with your painting with a vague idea of where you are going but the journey changes the piece, little things stand out to you, mistakes make you alter, things that excite you make you change and run with them. you get angry and want to yell when it is not working but when it does everything including food and sleep gets forgotten. This thing demands so much time from you and you freely give it, you gladly give it for the opportunity to be part of something beautiful. At some point it becomes almost sexual (and not just because I sometimes spend a day painting someones bum). I slowly paint lips and my thoughts wander to how it would be to kiss them, that moment you pull someone close and feel them for the first time. Painstakingly painting someones eyes means you gaze into those pools and its it just like those long glances you have that you cant pull yourself away from.

Water

I've been thinking a lot about water recently.

In a morning you take away the weariness of the night. The hour of the wolf came and went leaving the memories of worry and pain and solitude. Then you climb into the shower and feel that flow take it away and re-awaken you for the coming day.

After work, physicality, you can feel the stiffness in your muscles. Your back is on fire, blisters on your hands. Every inch of you is the agony of labour. You step into the shower and your flesh comes alive. You feel every drop take that pain away, you become somehow numb and so sensitive at the same time. The heat penetrates you and you come alive, refreshed and relaxed.

Rain is something so different. You can embrace the melancholy mood that takes you. Sitting inside you can curl under a blanket with your favourite mug of tea and a good book and hear the rain fall on the window.

In classic cinematography the rain comes at important moments of change, the meeting, the parting, new ends and new beginnings. Water washes away what once was to bring you something else. Sweeping away the pain and the trials you have suffered to leave you refreshed and clean and prepared for a new day.

There is an artist called Jeff Rowland, all his work is in the rain and all his work is of couples. I always found it fascinating to listen to what people say. Were these couples meeting for a brief moment, stealing time before they must leave like Mr and Mrs Jones? Were they long lost lovers finally finding each other after what would feel like an eternity apart?

Or was this all over? Was this the final kiss goodbye?

The finished product.

This is "You Can Leave Your Hat On" finally done. Back when I worked with her she was going by the name strawberry venom. A lovely girl to work with. Every now and then you meet someone that inspires you to do more than you are doing. So you'll be seeing more of my work with her.

The end of the world

Apparently, in less than a month, the world will end. I have spent so long alone recently that I started to wonder if it does all come crashing down how would I feel about my life thus far.

Not bad, I've done things, I've lived an interesting enough life. However the truth is I wanted to do more. The truth is I haven't done enough yet.

So what would I do with this last month if the world was about to end. Do I make peace with those I have wronged? Forgive people that have hurt me?

What do I regret? Kisses I never had. Places I haven't seen. I wanted to run a marathon. I wanted to stand on stage and sing. I wanted to see one of my origionaly hang in a real gallery. I wanted one last time to hear "I love you".

I believe the world will keep turning. But it has made me wonder what I want to make of my life and it comes down to one last sentence.

Yes I have regrets, now what do I do about it?

You can leave your hat on.

Another one I am just starting. This is the same model as from the violin piece I uploaded not long ago. She is intact a very talented latex designer from Manchester.

Anyway, I won't bore you with the same process notes i've put on all my other first steps paintings. I will say however keep your eyes peeled because I plan on putting a competition portfolio together soon.

Something finished

This is my latest complete piece. I have no title for this yet. This girl is a very close friend of mine and we've worked together on a collection of paintings that I have been working on for quite a while. I must admit I do struggle with titles.

Some Heels

This is a segment of a piece I am working on. The models are Auburn Rose and Tonilou, two brilliant girls.

What I have done so far is to block out the image with a wash as my preliminary drawing and first coat and start my slightly thicker "true colour layer. So far with that I have done Auburn Rose's stockings and underwear, next it'l be Tonilou's and the chair (although you cant see that here)

This is going to be part of my "Glamour" or "Pin-up" set of work.

Waiting for you

So this is now going to be a daily blog containing “what I’ve done so far”. First we have to play a bit of catch up since I have a lot going on at the moment. First is an image of an old friend of mine with my guitar. Everything is marked out nicely as you can see but I have not started detail on anything yet.

This is to be another in my “Music” set along with “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers”. It has no title yet but I am thinking it’l have to be a bit more up to date than Barbra Streisand.

The next step for this one is to start the figure. Generally I work from the top down, What I will do is a more detailed “white” layer (non-transparent, all colours with a hint of white mixed) then a number of semi-transparent coloured layers to create depth and tone.